Some people are afraid of snakes. Some people are afraid of heights. At the beach, some people’s biggest fear is being attacked by a shark or being lost at sea. However, they are all fearing the wrong things. I’m not worried about shark attacks or drifting away. I’m scared of the birds. Now, before you tell me I have an irrational fear, I will explain to you why everyone should fear these terrifying animals.
The origin of my fear is simple: being chased by geese does not make you grow fond of them. I was 12 years old on a paddle board with my sister, when the crackers she had been feeding the geese ran out. The geese took one look at us and dove into the water. I freaked out, attempting to paddle away as fast as I could. The geese chased us far into the lake, leaving us terrified, and worse, out of crackers. Since then, birds have never shown any signs of kindness or remorse towards me.
At the zoo, a turkey chased me and an ostrich stuck its head in my car window. A free range peacock spread its feathers out and started angrily squawking at me. A goose peed on me at the renaissance festival. A pigeon pecked me while I was laying on the beach. The thing about birds is that they are not scared of people. Birds are accustomed to humans being around them, so they are not afraid to assert themselves.
Some birds, like ostriches, are bigger than humans, with the average male ostrich being between 6’9” and 9’2”. They could also keep up with us on Providence Road if they wanted, with their running speed being 43 miles per hour. It is also one of the most dangerous birds, with the great-horned owl following close behind. Birds that live in close proximity to people are also more likely to attack humans, domestic animals, and other birds. According to “The New York Times,” the most dangerous bird is the cassowary.
The cassowary lives in Australia, and can jump 5 feet off the ground. Any bird that can jump to my height is dangerous, and adds to the fear of these intelligent creatures creating harm. Our very own Caroline Fahrney (‘25) was attacked by pigeons in France. In conclusion, everyone should watch their backs with all birds.
